what can one say but ~Thank You?
FREEDOM ~ IN LOVE WITH LOVE AND LIGHT
This body of work contains 8 chapters with 8 poems and 8 musings each:
Living Waters (with a story) ~ Life ~ Aloneness ~ Love ~ Natural Beauty ~ Light ~ Pleasures ~ Freedom
for you…
That which is never ceases to be
That which is not never comes to existence
Parmenides
The more total you are, the deeper your relationship can be to any other human being. Once you find that inner core of yourself, you are free. And that leaves everyone around you free. You are not trying to make them into anything. You are not telling them what is best for them. You know you do not know that. What you are doing is receiving them fully as the human beings they are. This is where love begins; it sees the mystery of the other and is just overwhelmed by it.
The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding of the Sacred in Women
Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins
L I V I N G W A T E R S
I.
Sages of Tuesday, September 17th, 2019
am.
the heart stood still
on this precipice of
a deep dark shame…
seen accepted
unconditionally loved
~ by another ~
shame became a watershed to freedom
pm.
marked the time
at the Heartwater’s source
where love’s floodgates shook and shattered
walking across
the holy Headwaters
of mighty Mississippi
washing away
muddy deposits
of a withered self ~
freedom it was
stepping onto those
shiny slippery stones
…two days later, this second part of the poem and seven more came tumbling out…
am.
As I crossed, the humble beginnings of the flowing one brought with it
Immense power of clarity and beauty stunning the mind to stillness
Melting this heart into meandering streams of exquisite tenderness.
Where do I belong in this depth of connection with the grand old river?
My heart warm and watery cries out to it as if it’s a close intimate beloved.
Who are you? Where do you come from my love? What are you?
pm.
Torrent teary rivers crest thresholds
Of two new-born eyes
Carrying a clear
Open-hearted seeing…
~ A l l I s L o v i n g l y H e l d A s O n e ~
The Heartwater’s Source
I Am That
I Am
I
p. s.
early morning seen by a friend
late afternoon by a river
II.
thoughts
used to come go incessantly
without any reason
And Now?
thinking just sailing by
with no content or traces of life
III.
cleansings
…the mind baffled
by this airy breath
of nothingness
floods its creased
heavy crevices
finding only clear movement
of bright crystalline light
reflected by this friendly river
rushing over its borders
eroding everything in sight…
IV.
Elegantly so
Yes! Let’s talk about elegance
Sitting on a plane looking earthwards
Only to witness
The grand old river
Winding down its wide wavy runs
Shimmering with blinding flashes
Filling these big brown eyes to the brim
V.
water
…the connection to this river
has taken its own wanderings
where tears and river
flow freely with endless ease
winding themselves down cracks
of skin and earth
marking deep channels
with windy furrows
speaking volumes of
what has yet to come…
VI.
blessed
by a river and a friend…
who would have imagined
an all-encompassing love
pouring sweet benedictions
on this rackety old woman
raising her face to the sun
and bowing deeply to the ground?
VII.
Who knows?
Walking down
this path of life
Maybe you will feel
how utterly loveable you are
Maybe you get to know
your own current calling
Flowing like a river
to its source
VIII.
Where Edges Meet Eternity
…as our journey unfolds
eventually we begin to notice
existence no longer
belongs to us
Instead…
we ~ the river
belong to this
~ ever-present open loving Awareness ~
Actually…
W e A r e T h a t
Musings
Listen to the stirring of the river in your veins
it’s murmuring your beloved name
*
it flows ~ it knows
its curved folds
are nothing more
than its moving soul
*
surging downstream
living waters
hold the power
of purging you clean
*
the fastest way
maybe
is the slower one
*
the ability to receive
is sometimes greater
than the ability to give
*
Quantum Physics asserts
‘the observer is the observed’
pay attention to is
it is the key to our seeking
*
there is a single Dancer
taking the form
of all Dancers
dancing Its dance
*
S O L E T L I F E D A N C E Y O U!
*
The Journey to the Mississippi Headwaters
In the early months of 2019, I started thinking of going on a seven-week road trip during that summer. I wanted to connect with family and friends in California, Colorado, New Mexico and Wisconsin. I also wanted to complete the last item on my bucket list. It was to visit the two remaining mainland states I had not driven through ~ North Dakota and Montana.
As I was getting ready for the long road trip, I began having an intense premonition that I was going to die during this trip. I explored those feelings with friends, inquiring and contemplating my fear of death.
A couple of weeks before leaving, my youngest daughter called to share she had dreamt that I had died. I was very surprised, to say the least. At the time, she was not aware of my premonition. I told her about it. I also said that my will was done and if I were to die, I was at peace with it.
I know now it was not about my physical death. It was a psychological death. It was also about the death of four friends, unrelated to each other, who all died on the same week, two weeks into my journey. The incoming news was greatly disturbing, as two of those deaths were unexpected. Both had tragic endings. One of them, had a profound influence on the Living Waters poems.
The journey began with a family reunion in Santa Rosa, California. It was a great gathering. The highlight was my grandson’s ceremony for his entrance into Middle School. I continued on to Colorado visiting with friends; driving through the majestic Rockies; relaxing in mineral springs and paying my respects to the great Stupa in Crestone.
My next stop was Albuquerque, New Mexico. I stayed with the first friend I made in this country, when I arrived more than 50 years ago. She lives in Old Town where she was born. Through her eyes I experienced the flavors of her town and its religious and spiritual aspects of indigenous cultures.
The drive from Albuquerque to Durango was desert-picture-perfect. I had a wonderful visit with my youngest daughter and her partner in their new home. The drive from Durango to Moab proved to be even more memorable, as the La Sal Loop was breathtakingly gorgeous.
Before leaving for Wisconsin, I received an email from my friend, with whom I was going to stay, letting me know that a few weeks back her 17-year old grandson was murdered. I spent a week with her and her husband processing his death; walking their pups; dining with family; going out to eat with friends and driving them around the beautiful countryside of Dane County.
There are these amazingly grounded and stable sensibilities in the mid-Western soul. People tend to put one foot in front of the other and do the best they can with what they have. There is no grand drama about anything really. It is what it is and they deal with everything stoically. I have always admired this attitude of theirs, especially the enduring love they have for family, friends and community.
On my last day with them, I asked if I could have their grandson’s obituary. I placed it on the table in my room. That night I was unable to go to sleep. The energy of his picture and the violent ending of his short-lived life kept me wide-awake. In the middle of the night, I took the obituary into the living room and placed it under another one. I hoped that they would not find it.
Early that morning I left for Minnesota. When I arrived in Duluth, I texted my friend I had made it safely. I also thanked her for the warm hospitality I had received amidst their grief. I did not hear from her, so I began making stories in my head that she had discovered the extra obituary and was extremely hurt.
Throughout that day I was feeling guilty, but what I was really feeling was a deep sense of shame for the cowardly way I had acted. It was very painful to see. I called her and left a message to please call me back. I went to bed exhausted without hearing from her.
Early the next morning when I picked up my messages she had texted me saying, “Glad to hear from you. I know you will enjoy your journey home. It will be a journey of the heart…… So glad we got to spend some time together during this time of grief/sadness for me. Drive safe sweetie! Nits, I tried calling as soon as I got your message. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’ll call first thing in the morning…”
When I read it, I just cried. She did call early that morning. I explained what I had done and why, how I felt about it and how sorry I was. In turn, she tried telling me not to be so hard on myself; she understood completely; I had to do what I needed to do in order to take care of myself; how much she loved me and how much she appreciated my coming to be with her.
Throughout our conversation and weeping with no end in sight, there was this deep palpable loving kindness coming from her permeating my entire body, heart and soul. That morning, on September 17th, I drove westwards through a torrential rain. It matched my unstoppable sobbing. Being loved, seen and accepted unconditionally by another human being in all of my humanity, was not only the biggest blessing I could receive, it was also the most precious of gifts.
*
A few days before leaving Madison, another friend had mentioned that since I was driving through northern Minnesota, I would be close to the Mississippi River Headwaters. I looked it up on my phone and sure enough, it was less than an hour’s drive south off Hwy 2. That same afternoon I made the detour.
As I entered Lake Itasca State Park there was a large turtle in the middle of the road. I stopped to pick it up and put it out of harm’s way, but something about it did not feel quite right. Its tail looked run over. Instead, I notified the Park Headquarters. They said someone would come by and move it into the forest.
At the entrance of the trail towards the Headwaters there is a sign indicating that it is also known as the Heartwaters. In the Anishinabe (Ojibwe) belief, it is the women who are the caretakers of the waters. Next to the sign is a beautiful bronze sculpture of a woman created by Jeff Savage. She is sitting on a drumhead with a basket in her lap releasing a batch of small turtles.
At the Headwaters there were many people wading in the river. A few of them were walking across a short path of stones, where the river begins. These large stones mark the beginnings of the Mississippi River flowing from Lake Itasca to its 2552-mile southern journey to the Gulf of Mexico. The crossing is about thirty feet long and it is the only place where one can literally walk across the mighty Mississippi! I was called to walk it. I took my shoes off, left them with my purse at the base of a tree and began walking across.
It was very slippery. I had to go down on my hands a few times in order to stabilize myself and not fall in the water. There were a couple of large, flat and beautifully colored stones along the way. The water was crystal clear and cold. I reached the other side, took a deep breath and turned around to walk back.
In the middle of the crossing, and out of nowhere, my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I had to stand straight up in order to balance and gather myself. I looked out towards the lake in sheer bewilderment. What had just happened? I have felt this same sort of energy once before in my life. It was in the presence of my teacher.
I went back to where I had left my purse and shoes. A gentleman approached me to let me know that he had taken a few pictures of my river crossing and wanted to know if he could send them to me. Whenever I look at the picture, I can see and savor the crossing and the gratitude I hold in my heart for the gentleman who took it at that precise moment of awe.
I thanked him and went for a hike around the lake in order to walk off some of the energy I was feeling. I needed to take in the peace and stillness of the place. The colors of the trees were just beginning to turn into a brilliant gold. The lake was calm. Solitude and beauty abounded. Everything was alive, vibrant and somehow real soft. My heart was full. I felt baptized and blessed, yet again.
When I returned to the Headwaters there was no one around. It felt kind of auspicious at the time. I looked into my purse for a penny or a talisman of sorts. The only thing I could find was a small smooth rounded stone given to me by an artist friend of mine four years back.
I had been carrying this precious stone since as a good luck charm. She had painted the rock orange and around it she had decorated it with tiny red and yellow flowers. In the middle, she had painted in white the word freedom. With heartfelt gratitude I offered it to the waters.
*
I continued on to Grand Forks, North Dakota and to Wolf Point and Kalispell, Montana. From Montana I drove to Pendleton, Oregon for a night. I continued south to the Steens Mountain where I made one last exploration on the Frenchglen Loop, the highest road in Oregon. At almost 10,000 feet it stands out from the Alvord Desert and it’s only passable from July – October due to its snow-bound conditions. It’s a 59-mile loop and a 2-5 hour spectacular drive.
That night I stayed at Fields, an outpost with a two-room inn and one business, the Fields Station, with its own two-room motel established in 1881. It has two old gas pumps, a convenience store serving burgers and their world famous chocolate milk shakes. Indeed delicious!
On September 23rd I arrived home having driven seven thousand miles in seven weeks. When I parked the car, I hugged the stirring wheel and wept…
*
A month later, I needed to come up with a poem for my elder women’s poetry group. As I began writing about what happened on September 17th, to my great surprise tears started streaming down my face.
Two days later, the second part of the first poem and eleven more came pouring out like bubbling teary waters. I've selected 8 for the Living Waters chapter. I am still not quite sure what exactly took place that day. Nevertheless, the poems have struck a deep chord in my being and hopefully have spoken to the experience at the Mississippi Heartwaters.
Epilogue
On a daily basis, since the first poem came through in October of 2019, I tune into the live webcam at the Mississippi River Headwaters. I always tear up or smile when I see visitors coming and going. Or when it is absolutely quiet, with nobody around – especially in mid-December, when it is all covered with snow. Lake Itasca is now freezing over. Lately, a pileated woodpecker is hanging out on the branch of a tree, which is next to the crossing. It is a winter wonderland.
Furthermore, every Monday at noon (CST) I take a snapshot of the Heartwaters with my cell phone. I will be doing that for the year of 2020. I also started keeping a daily journal of what I see happening at the site and will continue through next year as well. I plan to compile everything in a green leather parchment journal to be gifted to the Mary Gibbs Mississippi Headwaters Center.
*
So what is this activity all about? I am not sure.
I am wondering whether Mystery is taking me along for the ride!
What I do know though is this ~
My dearest friend is finding her way through her grief
My bucket list is full
And my love for the Heartwaters is undying
*
As life takes its twists and turns
I’m beginning to realize
The seven-week long road trip was a
Pilgrimage
My good friend was right
When she wrote
“It will be a journey of the heart……”
Minn of the Mississippi
As I was finishing editing this body of work, a friend suggested I read Minn of the Mississippi, written by Holling Clancy Holling. It is a children’s book. It depicts the adventures of a snapping turtle named Minn, who swims from the Mississippi River Headwaters at Lake Itasca in Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico. It is a fun information-filled story with graphics and beautiful colorful paintings of the Mississippi River and Minns’ southern journey. I was struck by the very last paragraph of the story itself, where a poor Cajun boy floats on his graceful pirogue down the bayou and says to Minn:
“Maybe, even, we are happy like this ole turtle… Hey, you down there! You happy? Come up, frien’, an’ have the talk! Maybe I give you music, with my guitar. You an’ me – we got plenty food, good place for livin’ – we got th’ waters an’ th’ bright blue sky. An’ we just as free as that old crow, flappin’ away out there. Grand-Père - he say there is nothin’ better than jus’ bein’ free… Free like that Mississippi beyond those far trees – runnin’ forever to the sea…”
THE END
Holling Clancy Holling. 1951. Minn of the Mississippi. (A Newberry Honor Book). Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company. (p. 86)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L I F E
Creation
Opening your sensuous mouth
uttering a word
worlds are born
Opening your stunning eyes your sharp ears
worlds stare and hum
back at you
Smelling tasting touching
myriad worlds manifesting
their tantalizing flavors
Putting us all to sleep
of what truly matters
in these precarious times
yes and no
I.
our souls are locked
in endless slow tides
of never ending cycles of
yes or no
YES to living
NO to living
what is this tyranny
gripping and seducing us
away from ourselves?
what is driving
this incessant struggle
between yes and no?
II.
these two tricksters
play makeshift
hide and seek
riding waves of living
full of mischief
III.
untethered they bring
welcomed relief of
sometimes yes
sometimes no
IV.
so it goes…
we often think we know
then something happens
and we don’t
V.
in this specious swaying
between the known and the unknown
are ceaseless stories of how…
now we see it ~ now we don’t
a mystery revealed*
Reveled in olden times we find
~ Muses heroines devils ~
The question always is
What is a devil?
Could we be so bold as to suggest
It’s a life well lived?
The backward spelling of devil?
As for evil?
It’s to live a life
In the now
Knowing full well
We have already won
The only life we own
Our very own
*Inspired by the line, ‘Devil spelled backward is Lived’ from Terry Tempest Williams’s book, When Women Were Birds: Fifty-Four Variations on Voice. 2012. New York: Picador. (p. 96)
death
I.
my friend’s mother dying process
hangs heavily on my mind
especially when I sit by
her husband of sixty years
watching his sweetheart fade away ~
II.
my only hope is
seeing him one more time
with a glimmer in his eye
strolling down these corridors
of the assisted-living house
he now calls home
III.
suspended in no-man’s land
as death makes its noble entrance
for the final act
I sense a sigh of ease
seeping effortlessly
through selfless sleep
IV.
gathering around her
holding hands
caressing forehead
moistening lips
whispering loving words ~
V.
she flutters her eyes
…a breath barely breathed…
and dies peacefully
in her beloved’s arms
showing up
I asked a dear elderly friend
teetering on the edge of poverty
‘how do you do it?’
he replied
‘I just show up'
I’ve since learned
this ‘showing up’ business
is what’s needed
in everything I do
especially
with the hard parts
helping me through
the dire straits
which inevitably
do show up ~
engaging with mystery
a quickening happens
as showing up holds
one basic ingredient ~
trusting
p a i n
…a weighty hole in the heart hurts
of an ever pressing wanting
waiting for the healing to take hold…
staying with this
heartbreaking pain
tending it tenderly
it strokes
a string of holiness
in the heart of the hole…
is that what it takes
for the healing to take place
sitting still in the midst of a pain
witnessing it whole?
Words
needing to sound
intelligently wise
so interestingly refined
Words…
fabricate stories
making us believe in
what we see
Words…
softly spoken
unleash a heart
from timeless bondage
Wondering…
what songs are we singing?
what songs are we listening to?
Joy
…from that care-free space
embedded deeply
in my core
full
vast
happy
I sing
I dance
I laugh
I love this life mine
this life of yours...
what’s the difference anyway?
Musings
being human ~
loving happy sad angry moved kind soft depressed stubborn joyful hateful hurt lustful content sincere confused clear stuck lost sensual frustrated fulfilled excited sexy compulsive doubtful fearful caring anxious touched playful critical bewildered tender withholding helpful interested obsessive curious thoughtful cherishing…
all that and so much more are packed in a single day’s span!
*
it looks like
what is lovingly accepted
is instantly released ~
also
one can live forever with it in
p e a c e
*
great teachings say ~
being unattached to longing or seeking
we are in the river of life
same goes to
being unattached to aversion or resisting
*
Please leave everyone alone
Most importantly…
Please leave yourself alone
*
Oh! how we run after
that which
is right under our noses…
*
calling all souls to communion
with what is ~
nothing less
nothing more
*
got guilt?
ask the secret question
So What?
see how fast it evaporates
bringing a surprised smile
to your amused face
got dysfunction?
!Chuckle!
the secret is
treating yourself
kindly…
so tread with confidence my friend ~
*
as it’s written somewhere
wherever you are
whatever you are
whoever you are
however you are
you are perfectly fine
*
our own vitality is
vital for the fullness of a
valiant vibrant life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A L O N E N E S S
Flaming Gorge, Wyoming
…wandering on this old forgotten bygone dirt road
in the middle of nowhere
a spacious desertness opens up before me
with nobody in sight
only billowing clouds coasting by
I witness this most breathtaking site
on one side
heat waves weaving their ways over barren land
saturating the air with strong sagebrush scents
on the other
impressive sandstone buttes
standing sentinels to stillness
and way down there
the deepest blue of waters
reflecting the bluest of skies
saying Hi!
to this lone and wondrous traveler
who can’t help but smile big
as happy as can be
The Vision Quest
I.
sheer surprises
this birthday year of sixty-two
celebrating it
in the desert wilderness
of my Vision Quest time
gathering myself here
from all over it seems
embracing an inner wildness
waiting to be seen
II.
…roaming aimlessly
on parched desert land
I find
I no longer know
anything anymore…
III.
looking out from this wind-blown tent
perched high atop a desert plateau
amidst majestic Colorado mountains
I watch the world go by…
dark clouds passing by
little insects buzzing around
lizards scurrying away
ants inching along ~
intricate movements
of exquisite songs
fill their vibrant space
with a sizzling silence
IV.
hardships sometimes
do pay off!
the bugs
incessant companions
the weather
capricious with thunderous heat
the hunger
(oh yes! the hunger)
four solitary endless days
with no food
only water to sustain
an aging bundle of bones
V.
through it all
little gems appear
scattered along
ancient dusty trails…
the holy ~ the ordinary
are one and the same
VI.
[last day of the solo]
the ritual of the fourth day
is releasing into the sacred fire
any need for
love
appreciation
approval
revealing yet another gift ~
the pure love I feel
is mine to freely give
VII.
getting ready to leave
this magical wombing place
I am left with one question only ~
how will the future look like?
VIII.
doing nothing
I drop into a place of calm
discovering yet another secret ~
how inextricably connected I am
to everyone and everything I know
IX.
as the day comes to a close
I watch the sunset
with quiet reverence
soaking up the sun’s final
fleeting fading rays
disappearing behind
steep-peaked hills ~
turning around I warmly welcome
a full moon’s golden glow
and a singular life
about to unfold…
tucked-in
I.
all alone now
time is my own
free to be in this
bittersweet place
where tears still flow
and ease of being
bit-by-bit grows
II.
surrounded by the Sangre de Cristos
listening to Taizé’s
Alleluia album
I begin to unwind
in the company of plains
and ragged-edged mountains ~
time taking its time
revealing the meaning
of an incessant questioning of
‘What Is It?’
III.
Rilke talked about it ~
in time he said
living one’s life
will bare its gifts
the question that
has haunted one
forever it seems
will be known in time
in the throes of living
a life
IV.
…growing older
breathing in this wild bumpy ride
I find the answer to ‘What Is It?’
is lovingly held within the question itself
V.
it’s
‘What It Is’
exactly as it is…
well-being
…lying in bed
attending breath
resting…
what am I?
Peace ?
loneliness
I.
there is an exquisite feeling of
wanting or needing
nothing more
or
nothing less
from anyone anymore
II.
in the beginning…
loneliness felt deadly
as if all air
was sucked out of
a small town house
I used to live in ~
I would walk
into a room
gravely feeling
I was entering
into a tomb…
that’s how death
made its appearance
in those lonesome days
where a sheering ache
crowded my frozen senses
III.
staying with this numbing feeling
…where muted dread cloaked
every thought and limb
in utter despair…
it began revealing
its perimeters
its flavors
its contours
IV.
~ gradually ~
somehow…somewhere…something
started shifting ever so subtly
V.
…the tomb became a womb…
VI.
setting me free from
the tomb of loneliness
to the womb of aloneness
one lone poppy
at the tip of a stem
brightly orange and all
moves playfully
as soft breezes touch
her delicate petals
~ no effort here ~
just being who she is
one lone poppy in the breeze
confusion
I.
~ always confused ~
do I take myself seriously
or
do I take myself lightly
II.
which one to walk on?
which one to mind?
which one to take to heart?
III.
the answer
appeared unhindered
one clear sunny-dripped morning
IV.
taking myself seriously as the Infinite
sensing It knowing It feeling It
through and through
~ is essential ~
taking myself lightly however
is walking into the world
this world with its infinite light-hearted ways
morning reflections
~ free to be ~
the one and only
the only one
who wakes up
alone
each morning
and happily says
to absolutely everyone
!G O O D M O R N I N G!
Musings
in our aloneness
we are one with the all
and at the same time
so totally unique
*
there is no separation
*
to know is to be in the now
it’s in the word itself
*
come closer than close to your wintry hollow
drink deeply
now is the time to own your own special song
singing it out completely
*
we’re split in half
~ the question is ~
on whose behalf are we acting?
Being or the separate self?
*
when we are contracted we are lost
when we are relaxed we are in the flow
*
why do we want to be the one
when we are already that
~ being the one is an inside job ~
looking outside of ourselves for the one
or being the one in somebody else’s life
is a recipe for misery
*
now + here = nowhere
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L O V E
The Beloved
…my teacher once said…
‘the beloved is just
another sacred cow
as all the others’
WHAT?
what are you trying to do?
take everything away from me?
isn’t there anything I can behold anymore?
N O T H I N G
holding Being in this way ~ you said
I miss
a simple
ordinary
infinite moment
of what I truly Am
…you see ~ it’s a case of mistaken identity ~ you continued…
the beloved
we have been longing for
has never been the other…
the other is only an~other expression of
Being
the truth is ~ it’s all about
our heart’s deepest desire
to be the lover of Being
The Beloved
T h a t W e A r e
Love
can’t help itself but love
you and me
everyone
everything
with the same
effortless grace
where all is illumined
from within
dissolution
I.
…we want a beloved
but we are afraid of intimacy
we want intimacy
but we are afraid of merging
we want merging
but we are afraid of commitment
we want commitment
but we fear our beloved will devour us whole...
well ~ you can count on it!
II.
this is about a love so B I G
it will obliterate you
to smithereens
III.
and then…
there you are
p u r e l o v i n g
unconditional love
…when I heard that
‘unconditional love
is not
unconditional license’
my mind went stark-blank…
yet I knew
I needed to hear that ~
all I am asking
is courage
to speak the truth
thank you
for instilling in me the flavors and flow of a life
where everything had its own simple place and time
welcoming sunrises with a hot cup of tea
watching feeder birds with resonant stillness
going slow with the rhythms of the day
loving much with so much fun
~ and you ~
wanting nothing more than what was…
have all brought me to my knees
touched
…stripped fully of
hopes and dreams
especially all expectations
I am willing to be
with you and me
in this tender moment
w i d e l y o p e n
l i s t e n i n g
l o v i n g l y s o…
Be. Being.
Be. Here. Now.
Being. Here. Now.
can you taste the difference?
one an admonition
the other a loving presence
which one are you?
loving life
I.
with all her inexhaustible treasures
falling like shiny jewels
into my empty lap…
II.
wreathing sparkly waves
blazing sunsets and sunrises
high blue snowy mountains
dazzling snow on brazen plains
crying laughs shattering silence
falling leaves on cuddled cozy evenings
delicious lovemaking at dawn
long leisurely walks along cool shaded paths…
III.
and oh! so much more ~
IV.
if I had one word
to cradle them all in it would be
l o v e
Musings
they tell you to be
considerate patient gentle loving
are you? to y o u ?
*
as we stand up for ourselves and set boundaries
we become stronger and bolder
~ and surprisingly enough ~
there is more love to go around
*
love and power
power and love
two consorts connected to the cord
*
It’s all good
All’s well
*
love is the air we breathe
*
absolute honesty and being real
is what the heart really loves
absolutely
*
got inspiration?
go ahead
fall over heals
in love with it ~
any creative impulse
or intuitive urge
bursting through you
just do it
we all depend on it…
*
j u s t b e g i n ~ t h e r e s t w i l l f o l l o w
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
N A T U R A L B E A U T Y
Stillness
(A tribute to Mary Oliver)
you have gone
where I am goin
so let me rest here
for a while
sensing in my heart of hearts
you have gone
nowhere
little insect
in one spot
one speck
so to speak
a colorful
delicate
glittery being
dangling from
a tiny stem
serenely still
…then suddenly
she slowly stirs
unearthing
her luminous wings
and ever so lightly
is taken by the wind
S p r i n g
warmth splendid sun drifts quiet
And The Mind Is Busy Trying To Find
Things To Do
Places To Go To
New Country Roads To Roam On
nothing wrong with all this mind you
instead I stayed home in my tiny front yard
poppies blooming all around ~ little daisies happily showing their fresh ~ sweet faces ~ soft breezes smiling through me ~ tiny spiders spinning their silky ways ~ bees buzzing along their endless merry~go~rounds
sunshine everywhere…
The Dodgeville Cabin
I.
there is this breathtaking
of a place
a tiny cabin
nestled into the edge of the woods
on these outcrops
of Dane County’s countryside
II.
imposing granite cliffs
hang over swaying spent fields
as critters meander leisurely by
III.
here life is
simple
easy
peaceful
IV.
unwinding on our porch
I dip deeply in the rhythms
of a most
exquisite
ordinary day
fall reflections at Willow Creek
…strolling along the edges of Willow Creek
outside the hamlet of Crestone
I suddenly stop taking it all in…
bright plump clouds
traveling across
dark imposing mountains
windblown ashen-branched aspens
breaking a breathless spell
that’s all around
golden glimmering leaves
cascading to the ground
dancing their final airy pirouettes ~
such sunny blessings
showering this willowy one
blowing kisses to the creek
grey heron
I.
a graceful grey heron
with its long
curvy neck
stands alert ~
a remembrance
of long forgotten
haunting songs
II.
reflecting on its pond
a mirror image
of a dreamlike
likeness
I take to be
my very own
III.
the heart quivers
regarding this fluid heron
watchful regal guardian
of old
flight
…beautiful blue butterfly
with
her
fluttering
wispy
wings
floating
freely
with
the
wind
gratitude
…curled up in bed
I quietly watch
from my bedroom window
a canopied camellia tree
come alive as the cooling rain
moves through her glorious
green and red attire
sending shivers
up and down her silvery spine
Musings
physical matter does matter ~ it’s infinity’s density
~ it also doesn’t matter ~
as the wise say ‘you have to die before you die’
*
the outer is the utter manifestation of the inner
and vice versa
*
creation ~ creature
equally alike
*
the Big Bang could be Awareness’s first booming sound
within its infinite silence
or
it could also be Awareness’s first dynamic impulse
of knowing itself as I
*
what you look at is what you get
~ but ~
how you see sets you free
*
stumble into a paradox
fall right into truth
*
each day is brand new ~
it’s just our minds
have not caught up with it yet!
*
~ beauty all around ~
nothing’s missing in this natural
boundless bounty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L I G H T
these eyes
only see what is bustling
in our busy minds
while a solitary beam is burning
right through brilliant bright eyes
spilling out sparkly starry-dust
lighting up compelling multi-colored spectacles ~
Awareness shape-shifting
our seemingly bounded ground
sitting and contemplating
the collage I have been working on
throughout the day
suddenly comes to life
shedding light to its own creation
a cutout circle
with its empty space
reveal no separation
no distinction
one full
the other empty
intersecting
here and there
rendering their meaning
here and there
all the while the fullness
the emptiness
never leave each other
they are always (t)here
sometimes empty sometimes full
sometimes intersecting
the question
“Speak to me” said silence
“About what?” inquired word
“Oh, this and that…”
“Then what?” asked word
“Just to know who I am
In this infinite space”
“Well” replied word
“In our world
You are the light
Dreaming us all up!”
belonging
Oh! how we long to belong
in one way or another
finding that special safe spot in ourselves
where our spark is
seen
held
loved
accepted
I sometimes wonder whether
belonging
is none other than
longing to Be
lila
…radiant rays dance
through the air
as spectrums of light
play lightly with my hair
exclamation marks of
!!everything!! !!everywhere!!
rainbows
I.
body settling on
mossy decaying stumps
quietly I sit
feasting on this small
color-filled
ripple of a pond
II.
as the day unfurls
its priceless pearls
a baby fly
lands on my page
III.
iridescent beauty
playing with my head…
sun worshiper
…sunlight warming my back
filling my senses
to the brink…
I cannot tell
whether my skin is
but a sunray’s beam
F i r e
…the flame flickers for a bit
and I
coming closer to you whisper
tell me…
smiling faintly
you blow out the candle
and in darkness
I finally know
my name
Musings
have you ever considered
everything in the cosmos
are but pixels of light
each point refracting Consciousness
in seemingly multiple sights?
*
everything is indivisible
except it’s invisible
in a visible world
*
do you want to know who you really are?
sit quietly breathe deeply take your time ask
Who Am I?
the very moment you ask that question
you’ll know…
it’s that simple
but the mind rushes in refuting anything
so simply revealed
*
my three-year-old grandson once said
‘the moon is God’s flashlight!’
he also said
‘I am empty of words’
*
transcendence seekers
here is an axiom for us ~
in becoming immanent
~ being fully in our lively lovely bodies ~
transcendence becomes imminent
*
t h e r e i s n o s e p a r a t i o n
*
there are no rules
as each instant is painted splashly anew!
*
there is this seamless movement of a ceaseless inner bowing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P L E A S U R E S
it’s like this
…one moment overtaken by bliss
the next overtaken by a cop
with a traffic ticket to boot ~
the difference is this…
first moment extraordinary
second quite ordinary
which one do you think
brings a smile to my face?
!the ordinary!
you know why?
because now at each stop sign
I break completely ~
take my sweet time ~
breathe deeply ~
and just like that ~
fall right back ~
into bliss!
fun
putting pen on paper
letting it go ~
who knows what
will come out
on this virgin page
delight?
insight?
pain?
who knows?
there is
a remembrance…
a reconnection…
a recognition…
our true nature is precisely the same
as everyone else’s
coming of age
…a seagull has just landed
on my deck
and in front of me
an endless Pacific Ocean
glistening
ever-changing...
it’s my 65th birthday today
celebrating it with
seagull
wind
water
a moment
so slow
so surprising
so splendid…
a hot summer day
wanders through the open windows
of this old comfortable
on-the-road-again-car
resting on top
of a barren bluff
looking out towards the expansive plains
back-dropped by the snow-capped Front Range
snowy peaks
…surrounded by glorious high mountains
I am found
in the middle
of a pristine meadow…
breathing in frosty tingly sky
the mind
freezes in its
heavenly tracks
r e l a x
…a teacher once said
‘the secret of life is…’
we all held our breath
riveted by the impending
revelation of great magnitude ~
he continued
‘…to relax’
THAT’S IT?
of course that’s it ~
not only THAT’S IT!
all the answers
to any questions
we might have
lie right here
on this most extraordinarily
extravagant notion of
r
e
l
a
x
i
n
g
Source
H e a r t ~ E a r t h
containing each others’ holy letters
lovingly cuddled within them
a wholly whimsical word
a r t
gracing us with
eternal
beauty
and
infinite
mercy
Musings
we have framed ourselves
with flat-edge-lined surfaces
while all along our bodies
are rounded curved sensualities
*
~ Being A Human Being ~
How Courageously Wonderful Is That?
*
the problem is not all the thoughts we have
the problem is ~ if there is one ~
thoughts have no center to spring from
when the center is established
all thoughts are a pleasure to behold
*
c’mon change things around your house
move stuff over to different places
loosen up play a bit have some fun
your home will surely thank you!
*
illusions are precious ~
they mirror precisely where we are
*
our dear computers smartphones tablets
all related electronic gadgets…
could we please leave them alone for a day?
they too need a break you know!
*
~ slow down and relax ~
you have nothing to loose
but your mind
*
Spooning your lover
Mmmmm……..
Heavenly!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
F R E E D O M
secrets
I.
one of the great secrets to freedom
which renders us
alive
engaged
spirited
awake
~ is the great fall ~
it’s as inevitable
as the air we breathe my friend
II.
~ so let it rip ~
there’s nothing to loose
but our
notions
positions
judgments
beliefs
keeping us separate stuck...
the secret to all this?
f a i t h
III.
in this radical trusting time
we decide to follow
our own unique path
opening up to new vistas
of sweeping expanses
surging powerfully within
leaving us all
hopelessly helpless
but of a different kind
IV.
without doing anything
a surrendering starts stirring
deep within us
finding what was needed all along
was our mere willingness
to begin following
the only path there is ~
t h e p a t h l e s s p a t h
V.
allowing
this mysterious path
to unfold
we get to where our path
as well as others’
mix and mingle
creating an inexplicable
magnificent
kaleidoscopic
hologram
of such intense beauty
a hot-hearted arrow
pierces right through us
setting us all
f r e e
happiness
…as more and more freedom
seeps into my being
the happier I feel
the happier I feel
more and more freedom
fills up my day…
finding this
fierce love
living a human life
When
you can say
to your beloved
‘I don’t need you’
you open yourself up
to the true sense of
f r e e d o m
fear
I.
doubt and panic
spiraling down to the depths
with no end in sight
terror overtakes me
as an endless rehearsing
suffocates and stutters
the confused mind
II.
…did I just say
the confused mind
instead of
my confused mind?
III.
a shaft of sunlight shatters
inextricable clouds
of madness ~
gratitude pours through feeling
relieved
released
remade
IV.
I realize…
when love moves in
fear takes
the back door
and like a thief
gives itself up ~
V.
but please let’s not forget ~
fear comes to visit us
for a reason…
an unfailing companion to our human soul
it’s pushing us relentlessly
towards an embracing
loving kindness
VI.
when fear is
u n d e r s t o o d it has no power
f e l t it has no hold
s e e n it sets us free
remember?
as id becomes an entity
it creates a whole new world
taking this identity
to be who we are
we imagine we know reality
while all along Reality itself
keeps inviting us ever so gentlY
towards our true identity
the ultimate Reality oF
who and what we truly are
R e m e m b e r ?
lockdown offerings
…being on a three-month retreat
I have been treated with a treat
finally finding the missing piece
I am no longer a child
no longer do I have to seek
no longer do I have to listen
to others’ teachings of what to do and how to be
I no longer have to be present kind or real
I Am present kind and real
I Am all there is has ever been or will ever be
I Am action ~ a celebration of
Being
Infinity
it starts with
the infinity sign
moving my whole body
like a rhythmical
semi-circulous dance of
sensuality
pouring out
through the curves
of this infinite body
where everything
speeding up
in standing stillness
is showing me silence
as its center
vibrating and electrifying
rendering the
Absolute Obsolete
I Awareness
…shift your attention
rest on the
felt sense of
AWARENESS
I n f i n i t e E t e r n a l
I Am That
I Am
I
A
m
T
h
a
t
…Awareness Consciousness Knowing Unknowable Unnamable Reality Mystery Silence The Absolute Eternity Infinity Source Priceless Jewel Mother The Beloved The Heart All That Is Existence The Universe Light Luminous Darkness Intelligence Essence Being Presence True Nature Godhead God Divine Great Spirit The Tao Brahman Krishna Buddha Nature Jehovah Christ Consciousness Allah The Logos The Force Home The Self Truth Freedom Love Peace Happiness Beauty…
I
an infinite eternal word for it all
Musings
~ one of freedom’s secrets ~
they say whatever you resist ~ persists
so why not circle it in real close
finding out what it really holds?
*
having and making choices
does not mean that we are in control
how about free will?
we think that we have that too?
well think again my good friend
*
Awareness does not reside in the body or in the mind or in the world
Rather…
The bodymindworld resides in Awareness
Not even that…
All Is Awareness
*
as I stood at the center of the Labyrinth
these words came bubbling up
‘be still and know
I Am
the human form’
*
infinity infusing its affinity through the presumably finite You
*
emptying ~ emptying some more
no end to this emptying it seems
*
settling on this silent groundless ground of Being
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C O N C L U S I O N
Freedom In Love With Life And Light
I.
…freedom is who I am
what I am
what I value the most ~
II.
to come to such realization
I had to travel over
mountains and valleys with immense courage
swim upstream through raging storms of bitter tears
III.
in the midst of it all
an aliveness kept shining its face ~
IV.
that is how peace and happiness
unexpectedly made themselves known
V.
so my dear dearest friend
What Is It In Life You Truly Value The Most?
(to Adya with great affection)
this is what I know for now…
freedom is being the author of one’s own life
having inner authority
living
in an authentic
light-filled loving way
~ the clincher here is ~
if I think I am the one and only author of my life
I am called back again and again
to rethink…
‘cause I am shown the world over
there’s more to it that can ever be imagined!
final thoughts
when we feel things are falling apart
maybe ~ just maybe
instead
they are falling into place ~
a subtle shift in perspective
is all our heart needs to relax
Yes!
to living fully
~ in great faith ~
where all is offered up
to an Unknown movement
flowing freely through our soul
R E J O I C E!
m y d e a r e s t f r i e n d
knowing
you
are
always
and
already
F R E E
***