what can one say but ~Thank You?
FREEDOM ~ IN LOVE WITH LIFE AND LIGHT
This body of work contains 8 chapters with 8 poems and 8 musings each:
Living Waters (with a story) ~ Life ~ Aloneness ~ Love ~ Natural Beauty ~ Light ~ Pleasures ~ Freedom
for you
That which is never ceases to be
That which is not never comes to existence
Parmenides
"The more total you are, the deeper your relationship can be to any other human being. Once you find that inner core of yourself, you are free. And that leaves everyone around you free. You are not trying to make them into anything. You are not telling them what is best for them. You know you do not know that. What you are doing is receiving them fully as the human beings they are. This is where love begins; it sees the mystery of the other and is just overwhelmed by it."
The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding of the Sacred in Women
Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins
L I V I N G W A T E R S
Sages of Tuesday, September 17th, 2019
I
a.m.
the heart stood still
on this precipice of
a deep dark secret
unconditionally loved
seen and accepted
by another
shame became a watershed to freedom
p.m.
marked the time
at the Heartwater’s source
where love’s floodgate shook and shattered
walking across
holy Headwaters
of the mighty Mississippi
washing away
muddy deposits
of a withered self ~
freedom it was
stepping onto those
shiny slippery stones
…two days later, the second part of this poem and eleven more came tumbling out.
Eight are in this chapter.
a.m.
As I crossed, the humble beginnings of the flowing one brought with it
Immense power of clarity and beauty stunning the mind to stillness
Melting this heart into meandering streams of exquisite tenderness
Where do I belong in this depth of connection with the grand old river?
My heart warm and watery cries out to it as if it’s a close intimate beloved
Who are you? Where do you come from my love? What are you?
p.m.
Torrent teary rivers crest thresholds
Of two new born eyes
Carrying a clear
Open-hearted seeing…
~ A l l I s L o v i n g l y H e l d A s O n e ~
The Heartwater’s Source
I Am That
I Am
I
p. s.
Early morning freed by a friend
Late afternoon by a river
II
thoughts
used to come go incessantly
without any reason
And Now?
thinking just sailing by
with no content or traces of life
III
cleansings
The mind baffled
by this airy breath
of nothingness
floods its creased
heavy crevices
finding only clear movement
of bright crystalline light
reflected by the friendly river
rushing over its borders
eroding everything in sight…
IV
Elegantly so
Yes! Let’s talk about elegance
Sitting on a plane looking earthwards
Witnessing the grand old river
Winding down its wide wavy runs
Shimmering with blinding flashes
Filling these big brown eyes to the brim
V
water
The connection to my river
has taken its own wanderings
where tears and river
flow freely with endless ease
winding themselves down cracks
of skin and earth
marking deep channels
with windy furrows
speaking volumes of
what has yet to come
VI
blessed
by a river and a friend…
who would have imagined
an all-encompassing love
pouring sweet benedictions
on this rackety old woman
raising her face to the sun
bowing deeply to the ground?
VII
who knows?
Walking down
this path of life
Maybe you will feel
how utterly loveable you are
Maybe you get to know
your own current calling
Flowing like a river
to its source
VIII
Where Edges Meet Eternity
As our journeys unfold
eventually we begin to notice
existence no longer
belongs to us
instead
we the river
belong to this
ever present open loving Awareness
actually
W e A r e T h a t
Musings
Listen to the stirring of the river in your veins
it’s murmuring your beloved name
*
it flows ~ it knows
its curved folds
are nothing more
than its moving soul
*
surging downstream
living waters
hold the power
of purging you clean
*
the fastest way
maybe is
the slower one
*
the ability to receive
is sometimes greater
than the ability to give
*
Quantum Physics asserts
‘the observer is the observed’
pay attention to the word
is
it may be the key to our seeking
*
there is a single Dancer
taking the form
of all Dancers
dancing Its dance
*
S O L E T L I F E D A N C E Y O U!
*
The Journey to the Mississippi Headwaters
In the early months of 2019, I was thinking of going on a seven-week road trip at the end of the summer. I wanted to connect with family and friends in California, Colorado, New Mexico and Wisconsin. I also wanted to complete the last item on my bucket list, driving through the two remaining states of North Dakota and Montana.
As I was getting ready for the trip, I began having an intense premonition that I was going to die while I was on this journey. I explored those feelings with friends, inquiring and contemplating my fear of death.
A couple of weeks before leaving, my youngest daughter called to share she had dreamt that I had died. I was very surprised, to say the least. At the time, she was not aware of my premonition. I told her about it. I also said that my will was done and if I were to die, I was mostly at peace with it.
I know now it was not about my physical death. It was a psychological death. It was also the death of four friends, unrelated to each other, who all died on the same week, two weeks into my journey. The incoming news was greatly disturbing, as two of those deaths were unexpected. Both had tragic endings. One of them, had a profound influence on the Living Waters poems.
The journey began with a family reunion in Santa Rosa, California. It was a great gathering. The highlight was my grandson’s ceremony for beginning Middle School. I continued on to Colorado visiting with friends; driving through the majestic Rockies; relaxing in mineral springs and paying respects at the great Stupa in Crestone.
My next stop was Albuquerque, New Mexico. I stayed with the first friend I made in this country, when I arrived over 50 years ago. She lives in Old Town where she was born. Through her eyes I experienced the flavors of her town with its religious and spiritual aspects of indigenous cultures.
The drive from Albuquerque to Durango, Colorado was desert picture perfect. I had a wonderful visit with my youngest daughter and her partner in their new home. The drive from Durango to Moab, Utah proved to be even more memorable, as the La Sal Loop was breathtakingly gorgeous.
Before leaving for Wisconsin, I received an email from the friend with whom I was going to stay. She let me know her seventeen-year-old grandson was murdered a few weeks earlier. I spent a week with her and her husband processing his death; walking their pups; dining with family; going out to eat with friends and driving them around the beautiful countryside of Dane County.
There are these amazingly grounded and stable sensibilities in the mid-Western soul. People tend to put one foot in front of the other and do the best they can with what they have. There is no grand drama about anything really. It is what it is and they deal with everything stoically. I have always admired this attitude of theirs, especially the enduring love they have for family, friends and community.
On my last day with them, I asked if I could have their grandson’s obituary. I placed it on the table in my room. That night I was unable to sleep. The energy of his image and the violent ending of his short-lived life kept me wide awake. My superstition was that keeping his picture might bring to pass my premonition of dying, while I was still on my way back home. In the middle of the night I took the obituary into the living room and hid it under another one. I hoped that they would not find it.
Early that morning I left for Minnesota. When I arrived in Duluth, I texted my friend that I had made it safely. I also thanked her for the warm hospitality I had received amidst their grief. I did not hear from her, so I began making stories in my head that she had discovered the extra obituary and was extremely hurt.
During that whole day I was feeling guilty, but what I was really feeling was a deep sense of shame for the fearful and cowardly way I had acted. It was extremely painful to see. I called my friend and left a message to please call me back. I went to bed exhausted without hearing from her.
Early the next morning when I picked up my messages she had texted me saying, “Glad to hear from you. I know you will enjoy your journey home. It will be a journey of the heart…… So glad we got to spend some time together during this time of grief/sadness for me. Drive safe sweetie! Nits, I tried calling as soon as I got your message. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’ll call first thing in the morning…”
When I read it I broke down crying. She did call early that morning. I explained what I had done and why, how I felt about it and how sorry I was. In turn, she tried telling me not to be so hard on myself; she understood completely; I had to do what I needed to do in order to take care of myself; how much she loved me and how much she appreciated my coming to be with her.
Throughout our conversation and me weeping with no end in sight, there was this deep palpable loving kindness coming from her permeating my entire body, heart and soul. That morning, on September 17th, I drove westwards through a torrential rain. It matched my unstoppable sobbing. Being loved, seen and accepted unconditionally by another human being in all of my humanity, was not only the biggest blessing I could receive, it was also the most precious of gifts.
*
A few days before leaving Madison, a friend had mentioned that since I was driving through northern Minnesota, I would be close to the Mississippi River Headwaters. I looked it up on my phone and sure enough, it was about a half hour’s drive south off Hwy 2. That same afternoon I made the detour to visit the Headwaters.
As I entered Itasca State Park there was a large turtle in the middle of the road. I stopped to pick it up and put it out of harm’s way, but something about it did not feel quite right. Its tail looked run over. Instead, I notified the Park Headquarters. They said someone would come by and move it into the forest.
The entrance to the Headwaters begins at the Mary Gibbs Mississippi Headwaters Center. At the beginning of the trail towards the Headwaters there is a bronze sculpture of a woman created by Native American artist Jeff Savage called ~ Heartwaters~Caretaker Woman.
There is a sign next to this beautiful sculpture saying that at the Headwaters of the Mississippi begin the Heartwaters of this nation, Americans call home. In the Anishinabe (Ojibwe) belief, the women are the caretakers of water. Everyone needs to respect this responsibility of the sacred work of women by keeping the most valuable resource pristine and renewable for all future generations to enjoy.
In the sculpture, the life force of the Headwaters is spilling out of the woman’s bowl (Lake Itasca) renewing the seasons and continuing the waters of life. Her flowing hair is like that of flowing water. The turtles are believed to be important water symbols signifying the universal cycles of life. Turtles are also a strong symbol of importance of this site. The woman and the turtles are placed on a drumhead. The drum represents the heartbeat of the Anishinabe Nation, who believe it is the true heartbeat of the water flowing from the heartland of this continent.
At the Headwaters there were many people wading in the river. A few of them were walking across a short path of stones, where the river begins. These large rocks mark the beginnings of the Mississippi River flowing from Lake Itasca at 1475 feet to its 2552-mile winding journey to the Gulf of Mexico. The crossing, as it is known, is about 25 feet long and it's the only place where one can literally walk across the mighty Mississippi! I was called to walk it. I took my shoes off, left them with my purse at the base of a tree and began walking across it.
It was very slippery. I had to go down on my hands a few times in order to stabilize myself and not fall in the water. There were a couple of large, flat and beautifully colored stones along the way. The water was crystal clear and cold. I reached the other side, took a deep breath and turned around to walk back.
In the middle of it, and out of nowhere, my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I had to stand straight up in order to balance and gather myself. I looked out towards the lake in sheer bewilderment. What had just happened? I have felt this same sort of energy once before in my life. It was in the presence of my teacher.
When I went to pick up my purse and shoes, a gentleman approached me to let me know he had taken a few pictures of my river crossing and wanted to know if he could send them to me. Whenever I look at that picture, I feel and savor the crossing and the gratitude I hold in my heart for the gentleman who took it at that exact moment of awe!
I thanked him and went for a hike around the lake in order to walk off some of the energy I was feeling. I needed to take in the peace and stillness of the place. The colors of the trees were just beginning to turn into a brilliant gold. The lake was calm. Solitude and beauty abounded. Everything was alive, vibrant and somehow real soft. My heart was full. I felt baptized and blessed, yet again.
When I returned to the Headwaters there was no one around. It felt kind of auspicious at the time. I looked into my purse for a penny or a talisman of sorts. The only thing I could find was a small smooth rounded stone given to me by an artist friend of mine four years back.
I had been carrying this precious stone as a good luck charm. She had painted the rock orange decorating it with small red and blue flowers. In the middle, the word free was painted in white. With heartfelt gratitude I offered it to the waters.
I drove through North Dakota with its expansive and beautiful pristine prairies dotted with large refineries, shocking my sensing of space. I spent two days in Kalispell, Montana in order to catch up with myself.
I continued south to the Steens Mountain where I made one last exploration on the Frenchglen Loop, the highest road in Oregon. At almost 10,000 feet it stands out from the Alvord Desert and it is only passable from July – October due to snow. It is a 59-mile spectacular drive.
That last night I stayed at Fields, an outpost with a two-room inn and one business, the Fields Station, with its own two-room motel established in 1881. It has two old gas pumps, a convenience store serving burgers and their world famous chocolate milk shakes. Absolutely delicious!
On September 23rd, I arrived home having driven seven thousand miles in seven weeks. When I parked the car I hugged the stirring wheel and wept.
A month later, I had to compose a poem for my elder women’s poetry group. As I began writing about what happened on Tuesday, September 17th, to my great surprise tears started streaming down my face. I am still not quite sure what exactly took place on that September day. What remains from that experience is a deep sense of humility.
Epilogue
On a daily basis, since the first poem came through, I tuned into the live webcam at the Mississippi River Headwaters. I often teared up or smiled at the abundance of life that unfolded before me. From the summer visitors coming and going to the absolute stillness and starkness of the mid-winter wonderland, where a lone pileated woodpecker hung out on a tree branch as a watch over the crossing.
Furthermore, every Monday at noon (CST) I took a snapshot of the Heartwaters with my cell phone. I did that for the entire year of 2020. I also kept a daily journal of what I saw happening at the site. I plan compiling everything into a large leather-bounded journal to be gifted to the Mary Gibbs Mississippi Headwaters Center.
*
So what is this activity all about? I am not sure.
I am wondering whether Mystery
Is taking me along for the ride!
What I do know is
My dearest friend is finding her way through her grief
My bucket list is full
My love for the Heartwaters is undying
*
As life takes its twists and turns
I’m beginning to realize
The seven-week long road trip was a
Pilgrimage
My good friend was right
When she wrote
“It will be a journey of the heart……”
Minn of the Mississippi
As I was finishing editing this body of work, a friend suggested I read Minn of the Mississippi, written by Holling Clancy Holling. It's a children’s book. It depicts the adventures of a snapping turtle named Minn, who swims from the Mississippi River Headwaters at Lake Itasca in Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico. It's a fun information-filled story with graphics and beautiful colorful paintings of the Mississippi River and Minns’ southern journey. I was struck by the very last paragraph of the story itself, where a poor Cajun boy floats on his graceful pirogue down the bayou and says to Minn:
“Maybe, even, we are happy like this ole turtle… Hey, you down there! You happy? Come up, frien’, an’ have the talk! Maybe I give you music, with my guitar. You an’ me – we got plenty food, good place for livin’ – we got th’ waters an’ th’ bright blue sky. An’ we just as free as that old crow, flappin’ away out there. Grand-Père - he say there is nothin’ better than jus’ bein’ free… Free like that Mississippi beyond those far trees – runnin’ forever to the sea…”
THE END
Holling Clancy Holling. 1951. Minn of the Mississippi. (A Newberry Honor Book). Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company. (p. 86)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L I F E
Creation
Opening our sensuous mouth
uttering a single word
worlds are born
Opening our stunning eyes sharp ears
worlds stare hum
back at us
Smelling tasting touching
myriad worlds manifest
their tantalizing flavors
Offering intimate possibilities
aligning our senses
with the true nature of everything
Words are medicine
Words
needing to sound
intelligently wise
so interestingly refined
Words
fabricating tales
making us believe in
what we are
Words
kindly spoken
unleash a heart
from timeless bondage
Wondering
what songs are we singing?
what songs are we listening to?
a mystery revealed*
Reveled in olden times we find
Muses heroines devils
The question always is
What is a devil?
Could we be so bold as to suggest
It is a life well lived?
The backward spelling ~ opposite meaning of devil?
As for evil?
Is to live a life
In the now
A life we now own
A life we have already won
Our very own!
*Inspired by the line, ‘Devil spelled backward is Lived’ from Terry Tempest Williams’s book, When Women Were Birds: Fifty-Four Variations on Voice. 2012. New York: Picador (p. 96)
p a i n
A weighty hole in the heart hurts
with an ever pressing wanting
waiting for the healing to take hold
staying with this
unbearable pain
tending it tenderly
it stroked
a string of holiness
in the heart of the hole
death
My friend’s mother dying process
hangs heavily on my mind
especially while I sit
next to her husband of sixty years
watching his sweetheart fade away
my only hope is
seeing him once more
with a glimmer in his eye
strolling down these corridors
of an assisted living house
he now calls home
suspended in no-man’s land
as death makes its noble entrance
for the final act
I sense a sigh of release
seeping effortlessly
through her sleep
gathering around her
holding hands
caressing forehead
moistening lips
whispering loving words
she flutters her eyes
a breath barely breathed
and dies peacefully
in her beloved’s arms
yes and no
I
our souls are locked
in endless slow tides
of never ending cycles
Y
O
E
N
S
YES to living
NO to living
what is this tyranny
gripping and seducing us
away from ourselves?
what is driving
the incessant struggle
between yes and no?
II
these two tricksters
play makeshift
hide and seek
riding waves of mischief
leaving us treading waters
III
untethered they bring
great relief of
sometimes yes
sometimes no
IV
so it goes ~
when we think we know
something happens
and we don’t
V
in this specious swaying between
known unknown
are ceaseless stories of how
now we see it now we don’t
showing up
I asked a dear elderly friend
teetering on the edge of poverty
‘how do you do it?’
he replied
‘I just show up’
I’ve since learned
this showing up business
is what’s actually needed
with the hard parts
helping me through
those dire straits
that inevitably
do show up ~
engaging with mystery
a quickening happens
as showing up carries
the elusive ingredient of
trusting
Joy
From that care-free place
in my body
I celebrate
full
vast
happy
singing
dancing
laughing
I love this life mine
this life of yours this life of ours
what’s the difference anyway?
Musings
being human ~
loving happy sad angry moved kind soft depressed stubborn joyful hateful hurt lustful content sincere confused clear stuck lost sensual frustrated fulfilled excited sexy compulsive doubtful fearful caring anxious touched playful critical bewildered tender withholding helpful interested obsessive curious thoughtful cherishing…
all packed in a single day’s span
no wonder how sometimes we feel so crazed!
*
I find
what is lovingly accepted
is instantly released ~
likewise I can live with it forever in
p e a c e
*
respecting and attendig to a grief
is an act of
self-loving
*
it looks like
a wound is healed
when its source is forgiven
*
got guilt?
ask the secret question
So What?
see how fast it evaporates
bringing a surprised smile
to your amused face
got shame?
!Chuckle!
the secret being
treating yourself gently
so tread with confidence my friend
for it’s written somewhere
wherever we are
whatever we are
whoever we are
however we are
we are perfectly fine!
*
our own vitality is vital
for the fullness of a
valiant vibrant life
*
great teachings say ~
being unattached to
resisting avoiding longing searching
we move with the river of life
*
calling all souls to communion
with what is
nothing less
nothing more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A L O N E N E S S
Flaming Gorge, Wyoming
Wandering in the middle of nowhere
a vast spacious desertness
opens up before me
with nobody in sight
only billowing clouds coasting by
I witness a most breathtaking site
on one side
heat waves weaving their way south
saturating the air with strong sagebrush scents
on the other
impressive sandstone buttes
standing sentinels to stillness
and way down there
the deepest blue of waters
reflecting the bluest of skies
saying Hi!
to this lone and wondrous traveler
who can’t help but smile big
as happy as can be
The Vision Quest
I
sheer surprises
the birthday year
of sixty two ~
honoring it
in the desert wilderness
of my Vision Quest time
embracing fully
an inner wildness
embedded deeply
into my core
II
roaming aimlessly
on parched arid land
I find
I no longer know
anything anymore
III
from this small cozy tent of mine
perched high atop a desert plateau
amidst majestic Colorado mountains
I watch the world go by
dark clouds passing through
little insects buzzing around
lizards scurrying away
ants inching along...
intricate movements
of exquisite songs
filling a vibrant space
with sizzling silence
IV
hardships sometimes
do pay off!
the bugs
incessant companions
the weather
capricious with thunderous heat
the hunger
oh yes! the hunger
four solitary endless days
with no food
only water to sustain
this aging bundle of bones
V
through it all
little gems appear
scattered along
ancient dusty trails
the holy the ordinary
are perfectly the same
VI
doing nothing
I drop into a fold of calm
discovering yet another secret
how I see
is all I need to know
VII
getting ready to leave
this magical wombing place
I am left with one question only
how will the future look like?
VIII
the ritual of the fourth day
is releasing into the sacred fire
any need for
love
appreciation
approval
revealing a final precious gift ~
this pure love I feel
is mine to freely give
IX
as the day comes to a close
in quiet reverence
I watch the sunset
soaking up its
fleeting fading rays
X
turning around I warmly welcome
the full moon’s golden glow
and a solitary life
about to be told
tucked in
All alone now
time is my own
free to be in this
bittersweet place
where tears still flow
as ease of being
bit-by-bit grows ~
surrounded by the Sangre de Cristos
listening to Taizé’s
Alleluia album
I begin to unwind
in the company of plains
and ragged-edged mountains
time taking its time
revealing the meaning
of an incessant questioning of
What Is It?
Rilke talked about it
in time he said
living one’s life
will bare its fruits
the question that
has haunted one
forever it seems
will be known in time
in the throes of living
a life
growing older
breathing in this wild wondrous life
I find the answer to What Is It?
is lovingly held within the question itself
it's
What It Is
...just this
well-being
Lying in bed
attending breath
resting
what am I?
Peace ?
loneliness
I
there is this exquisite knowing of
wanting or needing
nothing more or
nothing less from
anyone anymore
II
...in the beginning
loneliness felt deadly
as if all air
was sucked out of
a small town house
I used to live in
I would walk
into a room
and the gloom
would become
a somber tomb
that’s how death
made its appearance
in those lonesome days
where a sheering wound
crowded my shaky ground
III
staying with this numbing feeling
where muted despair
cloaked every thought and limb
it began revealing
its perimeters
its flavors
its contours
IV
gradually
somehow somewhere something
started shifting ever so slowly
V
and the tomb became a womb
setting me free from the
tomb of loneliness to the
womb of aloneness
confusion
Always confused
do I take myself seriously
or
do I take myself lightly
which one to walk on?
which one to mind?
which one to take to heart?
the answer appeared unhindered
early one morning
taking myself seriously as the infinite
sensing it knowing it feeling it
is essential
taking myself lightly however
is walking into the world
this world with its infinite light-hearted ways
one lone poppy
at the tip of a stem
brightly orange and all
moves playfully
as soft breezes
tenderly touch
her delicate petals
no
effort
here
just being who she is
one lone poppy
in the breeze
morning salutations
Free to be
the one and only
the only one
waking up
alone
each morning
and happily saying
to absolutely everyone
! GOOD MORNING !
Musings
in our aloneness
we are one with all
we are al(l) one ~
at the same time
absolutely unique
*
loneliness ~ aloneness
hold the power of
surrendered acceptance
*
why do we want to be the one
when we are already that?
isn’t being the one an inside job?
looking outside of ourselves for the one
or
being the one in somebody else’s life
may very well be a recipe for misery
*
Oh! how I run after
that which is
right under my nose
*
to know is to be in the now
it’s in the word itself
*
in the word know
is also the word no ~
so if we want to know
we get to choose to be
in the
now or no(t)!
*
now + here = nowhere = everywhere = Home
*
come closer than close to your wintry hollow
drink deeply
now is the time to know your own birth song
sing it out completely
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L O V E
The Beloved
A teacher once said
‘the beloved is just
another sacred cow
as all the others’
WHAT?
what are you trying to do?
take away everything from me?
isn’t there anything I can behold anymore?
N O T H I N G
holding Being in this way you said I miss a
simple
ordinary
infinite moment
of who I truly Am
it’s a case of mistaken identity you continued
The Beloved
we have been longing for
has never been the other
the other is only an~other expression of
Being
the truth is it’s all about
our heart’s deepest desire
to be the lover of Being
The Beloved
T h a t W e A r e
Love
can’t help itself but love
you and me
everyone
in every way
with the same
effortless grace
where all is illumined
from within
dissolution
We want a beloved
but we are afraid of intimacy
we want intimacy
but we are afraid of merging
we want merging
but we are afraid of commitment
we want commitment
but we are afraid our beloved will devour us whole
well...
we can count on it!
this is about so big a love
it will obliterate us to smithereens
catapulting us Whole
into a whole new world
unconditional love
When I heard
‘unconditional love
is not
unconditional license
my mind went stark blank
yet I knew
I needed to hear that
all I’m asking now
is courage
to speak the truth
thank you
for instilling in me the flavors and flow of a life
where everything had its own simple place and time
welcoming sunrises with a hot cup of tea
watching feeder birds with resonant stillness
going slow with the rhythms of the day
loving much with so much fun
and you
wanting nothing more than what was
Be. Being.
Be here now
Being here now
one an admonition
the other a loving presence
...hoping we are turning
towards Being
touched
Stripped fully of
hopes and dreams
especially all expectations
I am willing to be
with you and me
in this naked moment
o p e n
l i s t e n i n g
l o v i n g l y s o
loving life
with all her inexhaustible treasures
falling like sparkling jewels
into my empty lap ~
wreathing shimmering waves
dazzling snow on brazen plains
blazing sunsets and burning sunrises
high blue snowy mountains
long leisurely walks along misty shores
falling leaves on cuddled cozy evenings
delicious lovemaking at the break of light
and oh! so much more...
if I had one word
to cradle them all in it would be
l o v e
Musings
they tell you to be
considerate patient gentle loving
are you? to y o u ?
*
as we set boundaries
we become stronger bolder
with a love
without bounds
*
love and power
power and love
two consorts connected to the cord
*
It’s all good
All’s well
*
love is the air we breathe
*
absolute honesty and being real
is what the heart really loves
absolutely
*
got inspiration?
go ahead
fall over heals
in love with it
any creative impulse
or intuitive urge
bursting through you
please
just do it
we all depend on it
*
just begin the rest will follow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
N A T U R A L B E A U T Y
Stillness
(a tribute to Mary Oliver)
You have gone to
where I am going
so let me rest here
for a while
sensing you walking
into my lines from time to time
little insect
in one spot
one speck
so to speak
a colorful
delicate
glittery being
dangling gently
from a tiny stem
serenely still
suddenly
she softly stirs
unearthing
her luminous wings
lightly glides over
light gilded leaves
S p r i n g
Warmth splendid sun drifts quiet
And The Mind Is Busy Trying To Find
Things To Do
Places To Go
New Country Roads To Roam
nothing wrong with all this mind you
instead I stayed home in my tiny front yard
poppies blooming all around little daisies happily showing their fresh
sweet faces soft breezes smiling through me tiny spiders spinning
their silky ways bees buzzing along their endless merry~go~rounds
S u n s h i n e E v e r y w h e r e
the Dodgeville cabin
In Dane County’s countryside
of aged rocky outcrops
there is this beauty
of a cabin
nestled into the edges
of whispering woods
imposing granite cliffs
hover over swaying spent fields
as critters meander leisurely by
here life is
simple
easy
peaceful
unwinding on my porch
I loose myself
in the rhythms of a most
exquisite ordinary day
delights
At the outskirts of Crestone’s high desert
strolling along Willow Creek’s cool shaded banks
I suddenly stop taking it all in
bright plump clouds
traveling across
dark imposing mountains
windblown ashen-branched aspens
breaking a breathless spell
that’s all around
golden glimmering leaves
cascading to the ground
dancing their final airy pirouettes ~
such sunny blessings
showering this willowy one
blowing smiling kisses to the creek
grey heron
A graceful grey heron
with her long
curvy neck
stands still
a solitary hunter
of long forgotten
haunting songs
her reflection on the pond
is a mirror image
of a dreamlike
likeness
I take to be
my very own
and the heart quivers
regarding this fluid heron
a watchful regal guardian
of ancient storied shores
t
h
g
i
l
f
beautiful blue butterfly
fluttery
wispy
wings
floating
freely
with
the d
n
i
w
gratitude
Curled up in bed
I quietly watch
a canopied camellia tree
coming alive as the cooling rain
moves through her glorious
green and red attire
sending shivers
up and down
her silvery spine
Musings
physical matter does matter it’s infinity’s density
it also doesn’t matter
for the wise say ~ ‘we must die before we die’
*
silence sounding Source soundly
*
is the outer the utter manifestation of the inner?
*
the Big Bang could be Awareness’s first booming sound
within its eternal silence
or
it could also be Awareness’s first dynamic impulse
of knowing itself as
I
*
teachers keep telling us ~
what we look at is what we get
but
how we see sets us free
*
stumbling into a paradox
I fall right into truth
*
each day is brand new
it’s just our minds
have not caught up with it yet!
*
beauty all around
nothing’s missing in nature’s
boundless bounty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L I G H T
eyes
only see what is swirling
in busy minds
while a solitary streak of light
burns right through brilliant bright sight
spilling out sparkly starry dust
shape-shifting old stale tales of seeing
sitting and contemplating
The collage I have been working on
throughout the day
suddenly comes to life
shedding light to its own creation
a cutout circle
with its empty space
reveal no separation
no distinction
one full
the other empty
intersecting
here and there
rendering their meaning
here and there
all the while the fullness
the emptiness
never leave each other
they are always (t)here
sometimes empty sometimes full
sometimes intersecting
the question
“Speak to me” said silence
“About what?” inquired word
“Oh, this and that”
“Then what?” asked word
“Just to know what I am
In this vast space”
“Well” replied word
“In our world
You are the light
Dreaming us all up!”
belonging
Longing to belong
in one way or another
finding that special safe spot
where my spark is
seen
held
accepted
respected
I sometimes wonder whether
belonging
is none other than the
longing to Be
playful
radiant rays dance
through air
as spectrums of light
play lightly with our hair
exclamation marks of
everything! everywhere!
rainbows
Body settling on
mossy decaying logs
I rest at ease
feasting on this tiny
color-filled
ripple of a pond
as the day unfurls
its priceless pearls
a baby fly
lands on my page
iridescent beauty
playing with my head
sun worshiper
Sunlight warming my back
filling my senses
to the brink
and I can't tell
whether my skin
is but a sunray’s beam
F i r e
As the flame flickers for a bit
I come closer to you
whispering
tell me…
smiling faintly
you blow out the candle
and in darkness
I finally know
my name
Musings
have you ever considered
everything in the cosmos
is but pixels of light
each point refracting Consciousness
in seemingly multiple sights?
*
all's indivisible
except it’s invisible
in an apparently visible universe
*
do you want to know who you really are?
sit quietly breathe deeply take your time ask sincerely
Who Am I?
the very moment you ask that question
you know ~
it’s that simple
but the mind rushes in refuting anything
so simply revealed
*
my three-year-old grandson once said
‘the moon is God’s flashlight!’
he also said
‘I am empty of words’
*
there are no rules
as each instant is painted splashingly anew!
*
transcendence seekers
here is an axiom for us ~
in becoming immanent
being fully in our lively lovely bodies
transcendence becomes imminent
*
n o s e p a r a t i o n
*
there is this seamless movement of a ceaseless deep inner bowing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P L E A S U R E S
it’s like this
One moment overtaken by bliss
the next overtaken by a cop
with a traffic ticket to boot!
the difference is
first moment extraordinary
second quite ordinary
which one do you think
brings a smile to my face?
!the ordinary!
you know why?
because now at each stop sign
I break completely
take my sweet time
breathe deeply
and just like this
fall right back
into bliss!
fun
putting pen
on paper
letting it go
who knows what
will come out
on this virgin page
delight
insight
pain
who knows?
letters
like droplets of dew on my tongue
I forge forth unto the unknown
a place where wild things slumber
the place of constant ebb and flow
that place where you are tongue-tied
as mystery unfolds
coming of age
A seagull just landed
on my deck
and in front of me
an endless Pacific Ocean
glistening
ever changing ~
it’s my 65th birthday today
celebrating it
with gifts of
windy
watery
seagull
a moment
so surprising
so splendid ~
a hot summer day
wanders through the open windows
of this old comfortable
on-the-road-again car
resting on top
of barren rusty bluffs
looking out towards expansive plains
back-dropped by the snow-capped Front Range
snowy peaks
Surrounded by glorious
high mountains
I am found in the middle
of a pristine meadow
…breathing in
frosty tingly sky
my mind freezes
in its heavenly tracks
r e l a x
One other teacher said
‘the secret of life is…’
we all held our breath
riveted by the impending
revelation of great magnitude
he continued
‘…to relax’
THAT’S IT?
of course THAT’S IT!
not only that’s it
but all answers
to any questions
we might have
lie right here on this most
extravagant notion of
r
e
l
a
x
i
n
g
Source
H e a r t E a r t h
contain each other’s holy letters ~
cuddled lovingly within them
a wholly whimsical word
a r t
graceful
merciful
beauty
Musings
we have framed ourselves
with flat edge-lined surfaces
while all along our bodies
are rounded curved sensualities
*
the problem is not all the thoughts we have
the problem is I think!
thoughts have no center to spring from
when the center is established
all thoughts are a pleasure to behold
*
Being A Human Being
How Courageously Wonderful Is That?
*
c’mon let’s change things around our house
move stuff over to different places
loosen up play a bit have some fun
our dear home will definitely thank us!
*
illusions are precious
they mirror precisely where we are
*
our dear computers smartphones tablets
all related electronic gadgets
could we please leave them alone for a day?
they too need a break now and then!
*
slowing down taking it easy
we have nothing to loose
but our dizzying minds
*
Spooning our lover
Mmmmm……..
Heaven!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
F R E E D O M
secrets
I
one of the great secrets to freedom
which renders us
alive
engaged
spirited
awake
is the great fall ~
it’s as inevitable
as the air we breathe
II
so let it rip my friend
for there’s nothing to loose but our
notions
positions
judgments
beliefs
keeping us separately stuck ~
the secret to all this?
f a i t h
III
in this radical trusting time
we decide to follow
our own unique path
opening up to new vistas
of sweeping visions
surging powerfully within
leaving us all
hopelessly helpless
but of a different kind
IV
without doing anything
a surrendering starts stirring
deep inside of us
finding what was needed all along
was our mere willingness
to begin following
the only path there is
t h e p a t h l e s s p a t h
V
allowing
this mysterious path
to take flight
we get to where our path
as well as others’
mix and mingle
creating an inexplicable
magnificent
kaleidoscopic
hologram
of such intense beauty
a hot flaming arrow
shatters
well guarded shields
exposing a tenderness
of heart
unto our welcoming light
fear
I
doubt and panic
spiral down the depths
with no end in sight
terror overtakes me
as an endless rehearsing
suffocates and stutters
the confused mind
II
did I just say
the confused mind
instead of
my confused mind?
III
a shaft of sunlight
shatters inextricable clouds
of madness
as gratitude
pours through
feeling
relieved
released
remade
IV
I realize when
relief streams in
fear takes
the back door
and like a thief
gives itself up
V
but please let’s not forget
fear comes to visit us for a reason
an unfailing companion to our souls
it’s pushing us relentlessly
towards embracing the totality of our being
bringing us intimately closer to the truth
VI
when fear is
u n d e r s t o o d it has no power
f e l t it has no hold
s e e n it sets us free
happiness
As more and more freedom
seeps into my being
the happier I feel
the happier I feel
more and more freedom
fills up my day
finding this
fierce love
living a human life
When
we can say
to our beloved
‘I don’t need you’
we open ourselves up
to the fountain head of
f r e e d o m
lockdown offerings
Being on a year-long retreat
I have been treated with a treat
finally finding the missing piece
I am no longer a child
no longer do I have to seek
no longer do I have to listen
to others’ teachings of what to do and how to be
I no longer have to be present kind or real
I Am present kind real
I Am that
I Am stillness
I simply Am
Infinity
I start with
the infinity sign
moving my whole body
like a rhythmical
semi-circulous dance of
sensuality
pouring out
through the curves
of this infinite body
where everything
speeding up
in standing stillness
is showing me silence
as its center
vibrating electrifying
rendering the
Absolute Obsolete
I ~ Awareness
Resting on the
felt sense of
AWARENESS
I n f i n i t e E t e r n a l
I Am That
I Am
I
I
A
m
T
h
a
t
…Awareness Consciousness Pure Knowing Unknowable Unnamable Reality Mystery The Absolute Eternity Infinity Source Mother Priceless Jewel The Beloved The Heart All That Is Existence Being The Universe Light Luminous Darkness Intelligence Essence Presence True Nature Godhead Goddess God Divine Great Spirit The Tao Brahman Krishna Buddha Nature Jehovah Christ Consciousness Allah The Logos Life The Force Home The Self Truth Freedom Love Peace Joy Happiness Beauty…
names and words of power
for one powerful name
I
Musings
one of freedom’s secrets ~
they say whatever we resist persists
so why not circle it in
to find out what it is?
*
having and making choices
does not mean I am in control
how about free will?
do I think I have that too?
I am told 'reconsider'
as beliefs tend to be stumbling blocks
to my inner most
fervent queries
*
non dual understanding suggests Awareness
does not reside in the body or in the mind or in the world
rather
the bodymindworld resides in Awareness
not even that
All Is Awareness
*
as I stood in the center of the Labyrinth
these words came bubbling up
‘be still and know
I Am
the human form’
*
from the depths of our precious heart
comes a treasured trove of pure knowing
untold by the human soul
*
infinity infusing its affinity through a presumably finite You
*
e m p t y i n g
emptying some more
no end to this emptying it seems
*
settling on this silent groundless ground of Being
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C O N C L U S I O N
Freedom In Love With Life And Light
Loving freedom is what I value the most
where I hang out with the most ~
such an awakening required
traveling over
mountains and valleys with immense courage
swimming upstream through
raging storms of bitter tears
while all along this aliveness
kept shining its vibrant face
revealing peace and freedom
in its place!
S I L E N C E
Shifts
When we feel things are falling apart
maybe just maybe
instead
they are falling into place
a subtle shift in sensing
is all we need to be at ease
Yes!
living fully
with great faith
where all is offered up
to an unknown movement
flowing freely through our soul
*
R E J O I C E!
m y d e a r e s t f r i e n d
knowing
you
are
already
F R E E